


The lesser of two evils.

by Surthys



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 22:29:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8685769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surthys/pseuds/Surthys
Summary: Don't take this too seriously, I couldn't sleep before having put this story on my hard drive.Basically, Garrus is talking with Joker about what Shepard had proposed to Garrus in the main battery.





	

-And? What happened?

Jeff Joker Moreau was relaxed into his chair at a café’s balcony on the presidium, toying with his spoon, waiting for the Turian in front of him, to explain what he had on his plate.

Well, she outright proposed to help me release some tension.

-No way!

Garrus eyed Joker, for being interrupted, but still continued:

-I wasn’t sure at 100% percent what she was proposing, so I tried to diffuse the situation, but then she asked me to switch right to the Tie-breaker with no misunderstanding possible.

Joker snorted, and with an expectant face, asked once again:

-Annnnd?...

-And I refused, as politely as I could.

-What?!? Why?

-She asked me the same question, but You know, I’m a Vakarian, our Clan held some obligation toward our people because of ancient events during the unification war, so, even if I would have loved to say ‘Yes’, I’m tied by obligation toward my species.

Looking down, Garrus added

-Our love is impossible.

with these words, a loud clatter resonated nearby, dragging the attention of both males, to Khalisa Bint Sinan al Jilani, standing straight with tears in her eyes.

Joker used his hand to lower the visor of his cap, and muttered an audible ‘Oh boy, you did it!’

Khalisa raised her hand with the holo on, and turned herself to her botcam to speak.

-A drame is occuring on the citadel right now, as I’ve witnessed a forbidden love comes to life, but due to Turians obligations, they must …

-Come Garrus, It’s not good! We have to go back to the Normandy, ASAP!

Joker stood up looking at garrus with panic in his eyes.  
Garrus lifted from his seat, dubious about the command of the pilot, but knew that somthing had changed in the air, some human females were standing, looking at him with differents looks, some pitiful, some hungry, and some with infinite sorrow into them, filled with tears ready to bead down their faces.

Lots of them were muttering the same thing: “Forbidden love…”

Joker called Garrus once again, to make him hurry, but already, the news kiosks all around the citadel were starting to relate the development of Garrus’ loves story.

‘The turian son of the Vakarian family has fallen in a forbidden love with Spectre Shepard, but due to Turian traditions, they can’t pursue any longer their feeling for eachother. Human females from all over Alliance Space has started to form a committee of support, in order to influence the head of the Vakarian’s Clan.’

Garrus was running behind Joker, thanks to his cerberus upgrades, when his omnitool flashed an incoming call.

Garrus flexed his finger to accept the call while looking behind him to check the distance between him and all these human females who had started to run towards him.

-Garrus!

-Dad? what’s happeni…

-What have you done Son! There are Humans all over our domain, here on Palaven!

-What! that’s absurd, how can they have overrid…

-No! They have breached the walls! Solana, retreat to the second floor! Garrus, I don’t know what’s really happening, but I know it’s your fault! make it stop! you*v ùsvù^$caz vùaeùvmb ml****

-Dad!? Dad??? Damnit!

-They must have jammed our transmitions! I can’t reach the normandy. Said Joker while making a stop in front of the elevators.

When he noticed the cabin descending, crammed with human girls, he took Garrus by his talons, and led him through a Keeper tunnel

-Come! We have to take a shortcut!

Garrus didn’t hesitated to follow him, because the commotion the females were causing behind him only grew louder by the second.

-What is happening Joker? Why all these females are pursuing us?

-They didn’t teach you that in the military? about human females?

-Nothing who could cause a reaction this magnitude!

-Well, about our females, there is a part in their brain who shortcut all rationals thoughts when they can identify something like a forbidden love, It’s like their ultimate drug, so powerful that lots of them have surely died just by hearing it in some vids.

-That’s preposterous

-That’s Human womens for you!

The duo reached an opening of some sort who leaded them in an empty corridor, with only the asari news anchor speaking through some news terminal

‘The prime minister of the Alliance, backed by all representatives of any nation from Earth to the newly reconstructed Eden prime, has issued an ultimatum to the Turian Hierarchy concerning the Shepard-Vakarian romance, but Primarch Fedorian has replied that Humanity should prepare to a full scale war should Shepard be deemed unworthy.  
Both camps are calling their troops and powering their dreadnaught, a peaceful resolution seem to be unlikely, since Cirpitine, the Turian’s homeworld has fallen to a Human women faction called “La rose épineuse” The Turian’s Hierarchy and the head of the Vakarian’s clan has moved to Menae, where they prepare to lead a fight on both fronts.’

Garrus and Joker looked at the terminal, dumbfounded until a loud crash happened a few meter away in the corridor, and women started to fall from the ventilation shaft in the ceiling.

-Run!

they tried to distance the hysterical mob of womens behind them, but the girls were closing the distance, fast.

This run led them to the docks where the normandy was nowhere to be seen.

Finally, joker felt to the ground

-Joker!

-Garrus! *cough* they got me!

Joker was spilling blood from his mouth, on the ground

-Come on buddy, let’s get out of here!

-Garrus, listen to me, you have to let me here, I’ll only weigh you down.

-Don’t be stupid, leaving you here isn’t an option!

-But Garrus!

Garrus dragged Joker to the far end of the far end of the dock, but there was no escape.

-So this is... it. 

-Yeah Joker, seems like I have no card left on my hand.

The women were moving slowly this time, assured of their victory, they moved toward the duo, like a predator ready to give the fatal blow, but playing with his prey before.

Then right behind them, the normandy appeared, hatch opened, with shepard there with her hand stucked out to grab them, without hesitation Garrus propelled himself and joker into the Normandy, when the womens realised what was happening.

-He’s running away! Start the chase!

But the Normandy’s hatch was closing.

-Shepard!

-Don’t worry Garrus, I can fix this mess, EDI!

-Currently en route to the alpha relay Shepard.

-Batarian space Shepard? why?

-The reapers are there Garrus, But I have a mean to eradicate them once and for all.

-How so?

-It imply a mass relay, a fucking asteroid, and a vidcom with Sparatus, Anderson, Fedorian and Goyle.

EDI announced through the speakers: -Hitting the relay in 3, 2, 1! Done, Alpha relay is right ahead.

-Great, now garrus, let’s celebrate together, because we will be lifemate, even if it’s for a few seconds, i’ll be happy.

-A few seconds?

-Our death will save the galaxy, and we will be joined through vidcom by the primarch.

A screen popped-up and Primarch fedorian showed two liaison manifesto, that shepard signed immediately with both her, and garrus palmprint as she was holding his hand.

-Congratulations; said his father through his omnitool.

-Wait… 

-I’m so happy Garrus, we can finally die together.

-Wait…!

_-Garrus?_

The asteroid hit the relay when all the reaper had finished to appear, destroying all of them, and garrus was looking at the shockwave coming closer, announcing his impending demise...

**-Garrus!**

Garrus looked around him, and he was in the main battery, shepard in front of him, visibly nervous, waiting for a reply.

-Oh! I didn’t… hum...

Searching for something to say, he didn’t found anything other than:

-Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars...

**Author's Note:**

> But seriously, you never wondered what was happening into Garrus head during that little time of hesitation?


End file.
